King Claudius- LG Recert Participant
Ozymandias- LG in-training
Brickmaker- LG in-training
These four characters are participating in a Lifeguarding course. There are three course participants—one who is re-certifying—and a lifeguard instructor. Each participant is affected by the course in one way or another, as it serves as a microcosm for different aspects of life that they are dealing with. The entirety of the play takes place in the Farmington UMF pool. The course inevitably teaches the participants about themselves, about lifeguarding, and about mechanical fasteners. Enjoy.
Introductions Act 1 Scene 1
Frankenstein: Hey guys—you are all here because you want to become a lifeguard, or you want to renew your certification. I’m here to help you do that. My name is Frank, I’m going to be your lifeguard instructor. Are there any questions before we begin?
Ozymandias: Are goggles okay?
Frankenstein: We will accept them for use during your 550 meter prerequisite swim, however they will be prohibited during any other part of the course.
Ozymandias: Cool. Thanks.
Frankenstein: Also before we begin, I’d like it if we could go around and say why we are taking this course. Claudius, you go first.
Claudius: Yep. I’m Claudius, I’m a junior at—
Frankenstein: Let’s also have everyone include one fun fact.
Claudius : *sigh* Alright. As I said I’m Claudius I go here at UMF—
Frankenstein: And how about we all say our favorite ice cream flavor.
Claudius: Are you done.
Frankenstein: I didn’t spend months turning my animal noises into coherent english just to be shut up by my students. Everyone, we are going to skip Claudius and come back to him when he is feeling ready to be an active and engaged participant.
Claudius: This is ridiculous. My name’s Claudius, I’m a junior at UMF. This is the second time I’m certifying. Fun fact about me, I’m danish and can make a mean Pebber Nodder. I’m becoming a lifeguard because I have a special interest in learning the first aid that goes along with this course ever since my brother was mysteriously poisoned.
**The class is hushed**
Claudius: My favorite ice cream is mint chip.
Ozymandias: Well I guess I’ll go next. My name is Oz, I’m the supreme pharaoh of Egypt—
Frankenstein: Whoah whoah hold up a second. I don’t believe that you’re the pharaoh..
Frankenstein: I though the Pharaoh was Seti l…
Ozymandias: Oh yeah see that’s a common misconception. He died in a freak pyramid accident. I’m his successor.
Frankenstein: Ohhh a freak pyramid accident. I hear those can be quite routine and fatal.
Ozymandias: Yes the whole thing was quite unfortunate. Anyways this is the first time I’m taking the course, I’m taking it because I’m hoping to better my swimming skills. Fun fact I almost drowned in the nile when I was younger, so this is also to get over my fear of the water. My favorite ice cream flavor is Muddy Bean Boots.
Frankenstein: Alright, we have one more participant to introduce.
Brickmaker: Hi everyone. My favorite ice cream is vanilla with a kurtz coat on top.
Claudius: What’s a kurtz coat.
Brickmaker: Oh I’m sorry I misspoke. I meant a crunch coat.
Frankenstein: How about you introduce who you are and why you’re taking the course.
Brickmaker: Oh yes of course. My name is Joe. I make bricks. I’m taking this course because I hear that most pools use rivets.
Frankenstein: You’re taking this course to see our rivets?
Brickmaker: Yuh sir that is the general gist of it yes.
Brickmaker: We also have have many creature-encounters of the alligator type on the river where I live. I’m taking this course so I can learn to fight off the alligators.
Brickmaker: Yes sir. Alligators and rivets.
Frankenstien: This course will not provide you with either of those things.
Brickmaker: Well I’ll be on my way then.
Frankenstein: Alright. Let’s have our remaining two participants jump in and we’ll begin with our front Active Victim Rescue Maneuver.
Claudius: Can I ask a quick question?
Claudius: You’re looking kind of green, are you okay?
Frankenstein: Oh uh… yes. Well. I’ve been in the pool all day. Chlorine can do… funny things to your skin I guess.
Frankenstein: ANYWAYS. Let’s begin.